The concept of spirituality derives from “spiritus,” meaning vitality or breath of life. Like an electric charge, our soul awakes if we’re associated with that force. The more we’re aligned going without running shoes, the stronger plus more alive is our soul. We take advantage of this power everytime we express ourselves authentically.
Consider spiritual concepts, like faith, surrender, truth, compassion, and love. As we practice these principals within our relationships, they’ve got a synergistic effect, reinforcing each other and strengthening us.
Faith and Surrender
Faith would be the first spiritual premise. A relationship which has a higher source or more power, however defined, has to be our priority, because whenever we make someone as well (such as an addiction or ambition) more valuable, we not merely live in fear, but we also lose ourselves-our soul.
In relationships, faith within a higher power enables us to surrender our well-being and self-worth to something apart from another person. It helps us exceed our fears and build autonomy and self-esteem. When we trust that any of us won’t disintegrate from loneliness, fear, shame, abandonment, we might brave rejection and separateness from your partner.
Surrender requires patience, that comes from faith. If we want to relinquish controlling our relationships, we need to have the confidence to have to wait. On the other hand, when our fears and defenses are activated, we finish up hurting the relationship in your attempts to maintain it.
Our spiritual and psychological development soars whenever we speak and act congruently in alignment with his Self, especially whenever we feel we possess the most to forfeit. With faith we gain the courage to chance our partner’s displeasure and speak reality. Honest, authentic and assertive communication replaces passive and/or aggressive tries to please and manipulate.
Expressing our vulnerability invites others to become vulnerable also. This builds our spiritual power, resiliency, and autonomy. By giving loving, non-interfering attention, a secure, healing environment is made. When reciprocated, we don’t feel the need to disguise, and our chance to risk and stay vulnerable grows. Then true intimacy becomes possible.
Compassion and Love
Acceptance is crucial for satisfying relationships. Yet, we are able to only accept and possess compassion for the partner to the degree this agreement we accept and still have compassion for ourselves. Compassion develops from self-knowledge and self-acceptance. It requires we surrender the needs of our ego to call home up to unrealistic, unforgiving demands and expectations. When we understand your own and our partner’s tender points and strugglesâ•our triggersâ• we diminish reactive. Then we could listen without judgment, without taking our partner’s thoughts and feelings so personally.
Bridges of mutual empathy with his partner permit us to obtain deeper degrees of acceptance and compassion for ourselves and the other person. We stop clinging to expectations and ideas about how precisely we and our partner really should be. Instead, we all experience both our Self and our partner as unique and separate.
Anxiety as well as the need for defensive behaviors that create problems in relationships gradually dissolve. The relationship turns into a haven for 2 souls to try out themselves and every other in a very space of love and respect. As trust grows, their bond makes space for greater freedom and acceptance.
INTERSUBJECTIVE SPIRITUAL HEALING
In a place of acceptance and compassion, unconditional love can spontaneously arise. Martin Buber thought that spirit resides not in us, but between us. He explained the “I-Thou” experience brings about a numinous, spiritual force, a “presence” in which we all experience our true Self.
Experiencing the Self on this milieu feels exhilarating. When discussing trying to cover up, intimacy supports our wholeness. Paradoxically, when we risk losing our partner, we gain ourselves, and although we’re now closer than before, we’re more autonomous.
The Self becomes substantial and much more individuated.
Our defenses, which we thought kept us safe making it us strong, have besides been obstacles to intimacy, but have likewise fortified old feelings of inadequacy, which stifled our Self and true inner strength. Trusting our vulnerability, we hesitatingly walk through our fears. We grow in faith, self-compassion, and courage each and every time we express our authentic self. By risking defenselessness, we start by getting to see ourselves while others more clearly. We uncover who we truly are, our divinity, inside an intimate, “I-Thou” space of unconditional love.
We realize we’re enoughâ•that our wholeness and self-acceptance doesn’t count on what others think, but on self-awareness. Our past conditioning and emotional blocks slowly evaporate, therefore we become stronger. By living within a state of presence, how we live are enriched and vital. Our being generates healing that strengthens our soul.
Such a relationship necessitates 2 people committed to a spiritual process. Of course, relationships require safety. Learning to value and protect ourselves can also be lessons on our spiritual journey. When we don’t feel safe, we now have an inherent right and duty to guard ourselvesâ•not through defensive maneuvers, but by directly expressing our feelings, needs, and wants. Sometimes, we have to set boundaries or leave a toxic relationship.
Relationship as being a spiritual path needs a willingness to try out the pain of working through our fears and old programming as well as a belief that in truthfulness lies freedom. In most cases, couples get closer. A healthy relationship will flourish, as well as an inappropriate you will end.
Copyright DarleneLancer 2019
Darlene Lancer is usually a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, expert in relationships, codependency, addiction and author of Codependency for Dummies and Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. She has a wide range of experience, utilizing individuals and couples for 30years. She is an author and frequent speaker. She maintains private practice in Santa Monica, CA and coaches internationally. For more information, webinars, and talks, look into receive a FREE Report, “14 Tips for Letting Go,” in order to find links to her books and eBooks, How to Speak Your Mind- Become Assertive and Set Limits, 10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism, Dealing having a Narcissist: 8 Steps to Raise Self-Esteem and Set Boundaries with Difficult People, Spiritual Transformation from the Twelve Steps, Freedom from Guilt and Blame – Finding Self-Forgiveness, “I´m Not Perfect-I´m Only Human”- How to Beat Perfectionism, and Codependency Daily Reflections.